Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
