Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
