True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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