Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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