$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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