I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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