And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
