also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
