worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
