The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
