i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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