There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
