Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I looked at my own cervix.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize