so that wasnt chicken after all
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention