I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.