I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt