mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am