Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
