so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
