WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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