.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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