My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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