I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
