I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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