Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
