Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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