I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
