If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize