Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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