Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
