yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
