Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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