I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
