I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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