He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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