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Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
