This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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