Do you still have your period?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
