Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
