I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
