I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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