the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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