i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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