Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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