You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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