I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
