my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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