And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
