Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what day is it and did you see me today?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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