there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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