He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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