I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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