hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
