i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
