Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
