They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
