So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
