I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
