I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
