You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
