why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
