Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
