every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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