She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he fucked my hip out of place.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
