It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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