dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
