when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
