After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
