alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize